Stupid Diaries ..

(2:45 AM)

Dear Diary !
Today was the worst day of my life .. I lost someone , I lost a part of me and it hurts , it hurts so bad em afraid it would bleed , funny thing is , I lost something that never belonged to me .. or should I say I never dared to make it mine , either ways , I lost today ..
From the past 2 years this girl was the only person I had my eyes on .. I saw her in her best and at her worst .. I saw her laughing out loud among her friends and I saw her got into this fight , this fight with some students of the campus .. Gosh ! she was furious , like she would rip someone's throat apart , I doubted that .. So that day I had to step up and get her away from them .. I calmed her down and finally when she was calmed down I left her alone with her girls ..I guess I shouldn't have ..
It's not that I haven't tried . I did , but then again somehow I felt like I am not good enough for her, of course I am not ,I will never be .. I thought I should be a better person for her , after all she is flawless and why would she give a damn about me ? But I guess I ran out of time ..
Today , when I saw her with that boy , smiling , as if she has her world all lighten up with stars shining over her  when finally I realized I really am not good enough for her and when now I feel like I've missed any chances if I ever had , something is breaking inside me , like I am losing everything I have ever held on to , my hope , my hope of being with her is gone !!

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(2:45 AM)


Dear Diary !!

Today I am starting a new chapter in my life .. A chapter I thought would be different in different scenario and with a different person but well life never turns out the way you plan it , right ? I should be happy right now but I don't know why there is something that is not there and I can not figure it out ..
I've waited two long years for this boy , waited that one fine day he will come to me or ask me out but he never did .. I saw him everyday , he was right there in front of me everyday in the campus , always around or maybe I was always around , either way I wonder how he never noticed how much I adore him , how much I wanted him to step up to me , how my cheeks flushed when out of nowhere he suddenly glare at me ..
Ahh ! I remember the day , that day when some of the students from a group caught me staring at him again , and they called him a loser , I lost it all of a sudden , we had a huge fight and I had no idea what I was doing until he came and got me away .. I peaked at him , I was afraid he would know the reason behind the fight.. I still think he is not a loser , maybe he doesn't like me ..
Every time I thought to reach him first , my friends said just wait for him , you are a girl, you should wait and that was true , If he liked me he would have spoken up .. And now today , finally I realized that there are somethings that never belongs to you , so was he .. He was never mine , he never will be .. 
It hurts , so much but it will get better , I figured it out , I know what was there all along and now it's not , it's my hope .. !!