Accusations ..

You made her lit that first cigarette
and let herself vanish in smoke..
You made her drink that first glass of liquor
and let her intoxicated for eternity..
You made her take those first sleeping pills
and let her dreams and sleep snatched away..
You made her put on those awful scars
and let her beautiful skin become a haunted memory..
You left her , when she had nothing but you
you did oh dear! what you shouldn't..

Last letter !!

You know what was the hardest part all along ? It was the final letter.. The last letter I wrote to you , the last brick on the wall , the last kick to the puddle of mud , the last breakdown and the last confession..
It was hard , recalling everything , it was even harder to write it down , harder than recalling them in my mind.. I never knew talking to you in such way could be this difficult and would require such strength , but little did I know I had that strength somewhere in me ..
It rained hard all night long and I simply kept writing , it was never ending , infinite.. Neither I stopped nor did the rain.. Now I suppose I've never said so much stuff altogether in my lifetime but that night I summed it all up..
By the time that letter ended and I had almost a heap of  papers filled with everything I've ever held onto , I was exhausted..The rain eventually stopped after all and it was early dawn and when it was about 6am on the dial , with the beautiful morning , washed over the greens and with the sounds of birds chirping , I finally let go.. I built this wall around me , never to take it down.. I rose , never to fall apart !

You don't get to judge -_-

There is more to her than to how she dresses up and how much makeup she puts on .. 

You look at her an see a woman fashionably sensitive , glowing with flawless makeup and lustrous hair and you talk about it , like there is nothing else to talk about .. Let me tell you what else is there ..

Ever wondered what lies behind the drape ? what is within the book ? who is this person underneath the beautiful mask ?

If you must talk about her , talk about how she sometimes stays quiet yet her eyes do all the talking , discuss how she gets crazy with the little things , admire her for how she struggles everyday to be enough , gossip about how she saddens how and why people judge .. 

If you must talk , talk about how amazing of a person she is .. 

Chalo gumnaam hojayen ..

Chalo gumnaam hojayen..
logoun kay is hujoom main
chalo kahin kho jayen ..
Ghari ki tick tick say , saansoun ki
sargoshiyoun say ,
raat kay andhaeroun say , subh ki
roshniyoun say
yaadoun kay angaaroun say , anjaan
khayaloun say 
chalo paray hatt jayen ..
Badnaam tou ho hi chuke ,
chalo ab gumnaam hojayen .... 

What's wrong with me ?

A friend of mine asked , "So , what is actually wrong with you? "

I stayed quiet for a long while , the silence was real long , , I did not know what I should say , the question was a bit weird to me .. I looked at her blankly and asked , "What makes you think that something is wrong with me ? "

She said , " Oh , C'mon .. its obvious .. You are always sad , you write sadness , you sound depressed , your words , they are always cruel and painful , what is actually wrong ?"

I got the question finally , playing with my fingertips I said , "I am attracted to pain , I don't know why , but sadness calls me .. You see , I start writing about some normal stuff but somehow it always ends up on a sad note or ending .. I am not sad I like sad .. Just as someone loves colors and happiness same as I find escape in darkness .. I am not depressed you know I am blessed .. You don't get to feel sorry for anyone who finds darkness and sadness more attractive than any other thing "

Our firsts :)

"We all have that certain kinda disease

which makes us keep our firsts like a

treasure..

First love , first heartbreak , first wound,

first scar , first loss , first step towards

reality ..

And at the end , we never want to let it

go because these things becomes our

identity .."

Misery ..

She had this world all chained up to her wrists , pulling her into that hollow deep shit , she was caged , all stuck onto something , something that she couldn't see or hear but feel , she never saw those chains but she felt the crackling of them as they are pulled up.. People said it's all in her head ..
She felt miserable , to the point where somehow she started doubting herself as insane but that insanity got worse and then worst ..

All she tried to manage was not to collapse anytime soon but she saw that coming .. 
One day she will be crumbled up into pieces like a pastry .. The voices , the screams , they were all there all along , getting louder and louder with those chains crackling up as she struggled to get out of the cage ..