Dear Sweet Person ...

My Dear Sweet Person ...
                 Lately I have understood that over the course of life different people will tell you different things. Sometimes they are good sometimes bad and you eventually learn to deal with them. But the things you will listen on a daily bases are the ones that are the most usual yet the most confusing for you . It will take a whole lot of your strength to finally get there , but you will as I always say "eventually" :)
                            People will tell you that you think of yourself a lot more than you actually are. They will tell you that you brag way more. They will keep reminding you to stop telling everyone about the most awesome things that you are capable to do whether it's writing silly blogs , making illustrations , sketching or covering songs that you actually love to do. The will often tell you that you are not that good enough and they are sick of looking at your name again and again on their social media feed.
                So My Sweet Person , let me tell you what you gotta do. You keep doing what you do because trust me no one can do it like your own self. You keep sharing your little accomplishments to the world because why not ? You try and try to come up in the lime light so you might get a little chance to achieve something. Not fame or the big dreams in particular but something , something that might feel good to you. You keep grabbing opportunities that for people are lame and not worth it but you do. You keep sharing your amateur work with people who might give you a push to get a little bit up.
            My Sweet Person , they are not bad people. They are not jealous of you and you do not actually bother them. Its just they do not get you . They do not understand like you do not understand quantum physics and mathematics. Its not their fault , its not yours either. The world my sweet person, the world works this way :) And one day you get there and you realize that you have survived.. "eventually" !
                                                             Love,
                                                  Girl with a broken pen  

Tell me please

What do you do ?

when it seems like a Déjà vu ..

What do you say ?when things turn out exactly the same way..

Tell me !

What happens when you let your walls down 

and everything happened before comes back like a boomerang around !

When you hear those words , and realize

everything around is the same 

except for the person saying it this time !

Tell me ! Help me out !

What do you do ?

when that look in his eyes you have seen before ,

What do you say ?

when just after you start believing ,

it shatters like a crystal piece , again !

Do you let go ? just like before

or do you fight and hold on hard this time ?

Do you fall on your knees just like before ?

or do you stay strong ,

have your pride and be the girl you've worked so hard for ?

Does it make you a bad person if

you say to yourself 'I Knew' or 'I Told You So' ?

Tell me what do you do ?

Tell me what do you say ?

Remember

Remember ?
In the beaming light of that beautiful moon,
Walking over the cold pavements ,
When those roads were a little too dewy , bit scary ,yet soothing..
Something struck through our hearts
Not sure if it was just me or you too
But It felt like this..
Like a magic, like a meant to be thing,
Like that crappy thing they all talked so loud about,
Like that fairytale kinda thing girls were crazy about and was nothing but a bullshit for me..
Remember how numb we felt ?
Because none of us knew what it was, 
And none of us expected that for whole different reasons..
Remember?
All those crazy things we did , that we never believed in ,
Wishing upon stars , wishing over a birthday candle , praying when the clock struck 11 11 ,
Just for a chance to let this magic stay forever .. 
Remember ? Because I do !

Anti-NewYear Resolution Post

 New Year , new resolutions.. It's about time we all start getting frustrated about the whole new year new me thing .. I don't know if it's just me or there are a whole lot of people out there.. Social media is all filled up and literally over flowing with memes that actually quite honestly feels so true to me , like seriously it's funny , ain't it ? I've been laughing out loud since last night :D
But seriously , why would anybody want to make a new plan every year and become or try to become a new person ? I would never .. I've worked hard on mysef for the whole year, I got hurt , I gained , I lost , I made mistakes and sacrifises and it all made me a better person at the end of the year , I would never give it up for a lifetime , why would I change myself in the name of new year's resolution only to start all over again ?
No I won't, I want to continue growing , I don't want things to change on every new year , No I can't..
And for a moment if you think it in that way, even making a resolution doesn't work for us , do they ? You don't get choices when something terrible happens , you have to go through it.. And if something beautiful, something extraordinary happens to you ? Would you stop and say to yourself Hey ! That was not included in my new year's resolution ? No you don't.. You embrace it and go with the flow ! And that is the right thing to do !!
I want to write more ! But I won't because people might think that this is the most negative thing but hey I would disagree.. For me , being able to live it upto fate and not worry about what's going to happen is the most positive thing ever !

This will be it

No I won't ask you for flowers and teddy bears not that they don't attract me but because i would get them on my own.. what I would be needing from you is sometimes to be alone , like literally alone .. once in a while i am going to need to sit alone , away from you away from people and it wont indicate that I hate you or having second thoughts , but because i need to think .. not about you , not about some past or the distant future , just to think about where ever my head wanders , i am going to spend a day with just a coffee in front of me by the window of a local coffee shop and to not asked about why I was there .. I'm going to need to write poems and stories which do not belong to me or someone I know .. Yes ! i am going to need all this instead of some glittering cute stuff !

Transformation !

Those who know me personally , understands why me being with kids is a total awkward situation :D For those who don't , guess what "I am a teacher" :D

                  It was sudden , ofcourse like any of the things that happens in my life :p But well , it happened and all of a sudden I was a class teacher of 15 plus students , all around me , all day long !!

Just imagine , a girl , never too connected with kids , now in this situation.. Naah , don't get to the conclusion this soon .. It's been over 20 days now and there isn't a day I want to give up .. No, i don't , and I have no idea just why ?this was not what I have dreamed of but still I am happy with this !

When the kids reach out for you like you're some kind of Fairy Godmother , a knight in shining armor or their saving grace , like they think you have the solution to every problem of this world , not knowing how badly you are stuck and confused in your own life , how much of a loser you really are .. they just .. look up to you for everything ..

And I still wonder why , but this makes me happy , that you matter to someone , and then who cares if the person is a perfect one you've always dreamed of or an imperfect little kid you never knew you'll spend five hours with :)

Happy Women's Day Anyways

Celebrating women's day in a world where women still get molested , abused , insulted , blamed for her actions , judged , accused and raped even in a marriage ..
I just hope I don't live till the day women start getting ashamed of being a Lady !

Lullaby

Switching pillows , switching sides
like this night's the longest night ..

Broken dreams and memories ,
puzzle with a missing piece..

All these pictures on my floor
the one with you on my front door..

Incomplete poems , handwritten notes ,
on your every birthday that I wrote..

If only you could be here tonight
& help me stop this all collide ..

Baby sing to me a lullaby ..
fairies angels to say me hie ..

Be with me & be here right
and make me pass this longest night !!

True Love

Fireworks and shining stars
or fairy tales and golden hearts..
Is that it is ? Is that you call it ?
Wonder struck and a heart on sleeve
and dancing in the moon light beam..
Is that it is ? Is that you call it ?
or maybe worst !
Open wounds and blood stained sheets
nightmares where the demons meet ..
Is that it is ? Is that you call it ?
True love that they talk about ?
True love they never found ..
So darling ! true love is over rated
an exaggeration ,an illusion or a myth !!

Blame it on me !

After a couple of years they met.. He was amazed to see her in such a good shape , for some reasons he expected her to be a damaged shattered scared girl but there she was perfect , answering every question he asked ..
Hesitantly , he came up to the question he has been wanting to ask for the past two years ..
"So you lived without me , happily ever after , yeah ? " he laughed , for no reason ..
She looked puzzled suddenly , Hmm ! now what is the answer you've got.. No matter what you say , you betrayed me , you moved on this easily and I did not ... he thought with a pride in his heart , finally he was about to win the battle of blame and love , the happiness was the kind when he always wins a chess game..
But then she spoke .
"I've never lived without you" 
He felt numb , his face looked like the blood drained out of the body and the heart denied to pump blood through out his veins , how can he be defeated at this stage ..
She continued , "You see , I have this corner in my heart where I still have you , you were my angel once but then you became my demon who lives inside me , feed on me " circling her finger around the cup of hot coffee she added , "There is this hidden corner in my cupboard where I have your belongings , I've lived an eternity around you , I breath with you through those love notes you once wrote , you live with me in my playlist , in my favorite songs because I can feel your voice echo in these lyrics . If only you could look the last searched name on my facebook account .. If only you could make sense with the senseless , if only you could think beyond blames and egos and if only for once you could be the person that is better as a demon than an angel"
And then she walked out. It was the last battle of love , and he was not the winner again ..

Current Situation , As I know it

I've been following news and politics for a while now ..Here I'd admit that I've never been into these things before.. Either I was too young for all this or either I was hopeless until now ..Believe me ,I've tried real hard not to write anything about it because I know its pointless , because I know people have been listening to the same stuff these days everywhere but then it's been almost 20 days now and my head is filling up with things I can carry no more , so here we go !
Before I go any further ,I would like to clearly state that these are purely my own thoughts and opinions (to which you might disagree) but as I believe this is my personal space , a personal blog where I can freely share whatever I want.. My opinions might differ from yours but I'll try my best to get my figures and facts valid..

For starters, a friend of mine is concerned about the International Media reporting about the protests.. I don't know what they are reporting but I'd like to ask my friend , If these protests embarrasses you in front of them , doesn't it when your people never raise a word against the evil ? She said people are laughing about how these protesters went through 'Red Zone' .. So for this my friend , it is their democratic right to protest 'ANY WHERE' in their 'OWN COUNTRY'.. Do people laugh when Americans protest in front of White House ? Guess what ? No , They don't !

Second thing , Imran Khan <3 Yes I am a pro-PTI and I love Imran Khan as a politician .. But somethings are not about him , it's about the things he says .. I cannot understand what is one thing that is senseless ? All he guides people to do is to raise their voice for their rights , aware people to ask about their money , where does their money go? What is there in it that is so complicated to understand ? I know it is hard to trust any politician in these circumstances but why talk about a politician ? You don't even trust your best friend or partners these days , do you ? But does that mean you lose hope ? No . you don't !
And the last one I've been thinking about from the start .. What are the both parties asking from the very first day ?

- PTI : Asking about the rigging in Elections 2013

-PAT : Asking about the FIR for the people murdered in Model Town Incident 

For PTI , I was thinking about a simple example which might be silly but well .. If you're sitting beside a person and suddenly you get up and say to him , 'Hey ! you stole my watch'.. What will be the first reaction from him ? He will ask you to check him if he hadn't taken your watch , but he will refuse to check anything if he's guilty ..

There you go ! I guess I made my point !

For PAT , FIR is the right of every person in a democratic country , there can be no justification when 14 people dies by the police gunfire who were protesting which was again their democratic right .. Funny thing is PAT had to protest for a simple FIR ..

Politics , I know is kind of a roller coaster and I am no expert in this but little did I know there are somethings you need to see and think about .. You can be a supporter of anyone but how could you not be a supporter of the most genuine thing , Humanity !

Accusations ..

You made her lit that first cigarette
and let herself vanish in smoke..
You made her drink that first glass of liquor
and let her intoxicated for eternity..
You made her take those first sleeping pills
and let her dreams and sleep snatched away..
You made her put on those awful scars
and let her beautiful skin become a haunted memory..
You left her , when she had nothing but you
you did oh dear! what you shouldn't..

Last letter !!

You know what was the hardest part all along ? It was the final letter.. The last letter I wrote to you , the last brick on the wall , the last kick to the puddle of mud , the last breakdown and the last confession..
It was hard , recalling everything , it was even harder to write it down , harder than recalling them in my mind.. I never knew talking to you in such way could be this difficult and would require such strength , but little did I know I had that strength somewhere in me ..
It rained hard all night long and I simply kept writing , it was never ending , infinite.. Neither I stopped nor did the rain.. Now I suppose I've never said so much stuff altogether in my lifetime but that night I summed it all up..
By the time that letter ended and I had almost a heap of  papers filled with everything I've ever held onto , I was exhausted..The rain eventually stopped after all and it was early dawn and when it was about 6am on the dial , with the beautiful morning , washed over the greens and with the sounds of birds chirping , I finally let go.. I built this wall around me , never to take it down.. I rose , never to fall apart !

You don't get to judge -_-

There is more to her than to how she dresses up and how much makeup she puts on .. 

You look at her an see a woman fashionably sensitive , glowing with flawless makeup and lustrous hair and you talk about it , like there is nothing else to talk about .. Let me tell you what else is there ..

Ever wondered what lies behind the drape ? what is within the book ? who is this person underneath the beautiful mask ?

If you must talk about her , talk about how she sometimes stays quiet yet her eyes do all the talking , discuss how she gets crazy with the little things , admire her for how she struggles everyday to be enough , gossip about how she saddens how and why people judge .. 

If you must talk , talk about how amazing of a person she is .. 

Chalo gumnaam hojayen ..

Chalo gumnaam hojayen..
logoun kay is hujoom main
chalo kahin kho jayen ..
Ghari ki tick tick say , saansoun ki
sargoshiyoun say ,
raat kay andhaeroun say , subh ki
roshniyoun say
yaadoun kay angaaroun say , anjaan
khayaloun say 
chalo paray hatt jayen ..
Badnaam tou ho hi chuke ,
chalo ab gumnaam hojayen .... 

What's wrong with me ?

A friend of mine asked , "So , what is actually wrong with you? "

I stayed quiet for a long while , the silence was real long , , I did not know what I should say , the question was a bit weird to me .. I looked at her blankly and asked , "What makes you think that something is wrong with me ? "

She said , " Oh , C'mon .. its obvious .. You are always sad , you write sadness , you sound depressed , your words , they are always cruel and painful , what is actually wrong ?"

I got the question finally , playing with my fingertips I said , "I am attracted to pain , I don't know why , but sadness calls me .. You see , I start writing about some normal stuff but somehow it always ends up on a sad note or ending .. I am not sad I like sad .. Just as someone loves colors and happiness same as I find escape in darkness .. I am not depressed you know I am blessed .. You don't get to feel sorry for anyone who finds darkness and sadness more attractive than any other thing "

Our firsts :)

"We all have that certain kinda disease

which makes us keep our firsts like a

treasure..

First love , first heartbreak , first wound,

first scar , first loss , first step towards

reality ..

And at the end , we never want to let it

go because these things becomes our

identity .."

Misery ..

She had this world all chained up to her wrists , pulling her into that hollow deep shit , she was caged , all stuck onto something , something that she couldn't see or hear but feel , she never saw those chains but she felt the crackling of them as they are pulled up.. People said it's all in her head ..
She felt miserable , to the point where somehow she started doubting herself as insane but that insanity got worse and then worst ..

All she tried to manage was not to collapse anytime soon but she saw that coming .. 
One day she will be crumbled up into pieces like a pastry .. The voices , the screams , they were all there all along , getting louder and louder with those chains crackling up as she struggled to get out of the cage ..

Difference

He thought of the rainy days , the winter nights cuddling forever , the thoughts of summer afternoons , lingering together with her .. He had the thoughts of sunset and the dawns , the stars and the full moon , that life of a perfect story .. The dreams he had , for never real , a fantasy or a myth !!

She thinks of what it was , what it will or would be , scared of the things , of the people around..
Thoughts of what to answer , how it would be.. She was a girl , he wouldn't seem to understand.. She had her fears , along with those dreams.. She thinks of the courage , that she'd never have !!

But they both knew ..

They both knew
all too well , it was destined to get apart ,
It wasn't eternal , wasn't for long ,
but addicted they were..
So now it's hard , hard to be apart ..
Forcing each other , pushing , trying ,
waiting for something ..
Something never to be happen again..
Destiny had it all written ,
and they both knew ..