Anti-NewYear Resolution Post

 New Year , new resolutions.. It's about time we all start getting frustrated about the whole new year new me thing .. I don't know if it's just me or there are a whole lot of people out there.. Social media is all filled up and literally over flowing with memes that actually quite honestly feels so true to me , like seriously it's funny , ain't it ? I've been laughing out loud since last night :D
But seriously , why would anybody want to make a new plan every year and become or try to become a new person ? I would never .. I've worked hard on mysef for the whole year, I got hurt , I gained , I lost , I made mistakes and sacrifises and it all made me a better person at the end of the year , I would never give it up for a lifetime , why would I change myself in the name of new year's resolution only to start all over again ?
No I won't, I want to continue growing , I don't want things to change on every new year , No I can't..
And for a moment if you think it in that way, even making a resolution doesn't work for us , do they ? You don't get choices when something terrible happens , you have to go through it.. And if something beautiful, something extraordinary happens to you ? Would you stop and say to yourself Hey ! That was not included in my new year's resolution ? No you don't.. You embrace it and go with the flow ! And that is the right thing to do !!
I want to write more ! But I won't because people might think that this is the most negative thing but hey I would disagree.. For me , being able to live it upto fate and not worry about what's going to happen is the most positive thing ever !

This will be it

No I won't ask you for flowers and teddy bears not that they don't attract me but because i would get them on my own.. what I would be needing from you is sometimes to be alone , like literally alone .. once in a while i am going to need to sit alone , away from you away from people and it wont indicate that I hate you or having second thoughts , but because i need to think .. not about you , not about some past or the distant future , just to think about where ever my head wanders , i am going to spend a day with just a coffee in front of me by the window of a local coffee shop and to not asked about why I was there .. I'm going to need to write poems and stories which do not belong to me or someone I know .. Yes ! i am going to need all this instead of some glittering cute stuff !

Transformation !

Those who know me personally , understands why me being with kids is a total awkward situation :D For those who don't , guess what "I am a teacher" :D

                  It was sudden , ofcourse like any of the things that happens in my life :p But well , it happened and all of a sudden I was a class teacher of 15 plus students , all around me , all day long !!

Just imagine , a girl , never too connected with kids , now in this situation.. Naah , don't get to the conclusion this soon .. It's been over 20 days now and there isn't a day I want to give up .. No, i don't , and I have no idea just why ?this was not what I have dreamed of but still I am happy with this !

When the kids reach out for you like you're some kind of Fairy Godmother , a knight in shining armor or their saving grace , like they think you have the solution to every problem of this world , not knowing how badly you are stuck and confused in your own life , how much of a loser you really are .. they just .. look up to you for everything ..

And I still wonder why , but this makes me happy , that you matter to someone , and then who cares if the person is a perfect one you've always dreamed of or an imperfect little kid you never knew you'll spend five hours with :)

Happy Women's Day Anyways

Celebrating women's day in a world where women still get molested , abused , insulted , blamed for her actions , judged , accused and raped even in a marriage ..
I just hope I don't live till the day women start getting ashamed of being a Lady !

Lullaby

Switching pillows , switching sides
like this night's the longest night ..

Broken dreams and memories ,
puzzle with a missing piece..

All these pictures on my floor
the one with you on my front door..

Incomplete poems , handwritten notes ,
on your every birthday that I wrote..

If only you could be here tonight
& help me stop this all collide ..

Baby sing to me a lullaby ..
fairies angels to say me hie ..

Be with me & be here right
and make me pass this longest night !!

True Love

Fireworks and shining stars
or fairy tales and golden hearts..
Is that it is ? Is that you call it ?
Wonder struck and a heart on sleeve
and dancing in the moon light beam..
Is that it is ? Is that you call it ?
or maybe worst !
Open wounds and blood stained sheets
nightmares where the demons meet ..
Is that it is ? Is that you call it ?
True love that they talk about ?
True love they never found ..
So darling ! true love is over rated
an exaggeration ,an illusion or a myth !!

Blame it on me !

After a couple of years they met.. He was amazed to see her in such a good shape , for some reasons he expected her to be a damaged shattered scared girl but there she was perfect , answering every question he asked ..
Hesitantly , he came up to the question he has been wanting to ask for the past two years ..
"So you lived without me , happily ever after , yeah ? " he laughed , for no reason ..
She looked puzzled suddenly , Hmm ! now what is the answer you've got.. No matter what you say , you betrayed me , you moved on this easily and I did not ... he thought with a pride in his heart , finally he was about to win the battle of blame and love , the happiness was the kind when he always wins a chess game..
But then she spoke .
"I've never lived without you" 
He felt numb , his face looked like the blood drained out of the body and the heart denied to pump blood through out his veins , how can he be defeated at this stage ..
She continued , "You see , I have this corner in my heart where I still have you , you were my angel once but then you became my demon who lives inside me , feed on me " circling her finger around the cup of hot coffee she added , "There is this hidden corner in my cupboard where I have your belongings , I've lived an eternity around you , I breath with you through those love notes you once wrote , you live with me in my playlist , in my favorite songs because I can feel your voice echo in these lyrics . If only you could look the last searched name on my facebook account .. If only you could make sense with the senseless , if only you could think beyond blames and egos and if only for once you could be the person that is better as a demon than an angel"
And then she walked out. It was the last battle of love , and he was not the winner again ..