I dream ..

~ Here's this boy beside me sleeping like a child ..

I look at him and wonder , how he became

the light , he shine , the world and mine ..

~ Smiling at him , running fingers on his arm

i remember him saying I'm his

love , his passion , his dream and his charm..

~So , I wrap him up , close my eyes and

wish in the middle of the night..
that I could find my fairytale ,

my happy ending and forever in his arms !! 

The Faded Love ..

I have always heard that love could be happen at anytime , anywhere or in any moment..
Yes, they are right 
I remember the days when I was too young and silly that I used to start chatting with random people on cellphone..
One day , Destiny did its work and he came into my life , and soon we became best friends. We had a lot of things in common.. He shared his past, dreams , thoughts with me and so did I..
We started liking each other and one beautiful day he told me that he actually loves me !!

And he wants to spend his whole life with me..But I wasn't prepared.. I was regreting why I made him fall for me when I wasn't able to catch him..And finally I said 'NO'..
I never knew that I was so lucky that he continued to love me even after that..
Long story short, months passed and a few months later his passionate love , caring behaviour made me fall for him..
And in an intoxicated night I said the three magical words to him.. 'I Love You'

And the beautiful journey started.. Trust me, to be loved by a person whom you love truly is a bliss.. We had a million dreams together now.. We promised each other of pure love , sincerity and trust..
I remember how we first met , so nervous yet so excited..The first gifts.. The first feelings of being together, I can't explain..

Nights and days were unending , Sometimes I wonder how we used to talk whole day.. We had a million of things to share.

People says God makes pairs in Heaven , maybe they were true.. Life was bit like a fairytale , perfect fantasies , my perfect prince charming and me who wasn't actually a princess but he treated me like one..

Time went a little ahead and he went abroad for his studies , it was hard for me to let him go but I couldn't do anything.. He had to go for his future and ours..Two years flew away and nothing went wrong..I thought distances can't do anything , thought that our love was strong enough to bear the distances..

We had an amazing relation..I used to wait for him till midnight to come online and then we used to chat about all the stuff we did whole day..His new life without me , my days without him and every single thing..We tease each other , taunt each other, fight madly on stupid things but in the end we come to each other saying sorry and everything set perfect like always..But whatever we thought , apart from all that our lives had to change ..

As time went ahead , the chats became shorter , fights started increasing.. Distances threw us apart from each other..unable to talk , unable to understand..

And now , after 4 years of love and romance I am writing this story, collecting pieces from past and memories, wondering where did I go wrong and why did the magic faded away..

Well , yeah I guess life isn't a fairytale with prince charming and his white horse , neither it has a perfect life nor a happy ending..Love is still there but don't know how and when things changed..

Life is short for regreting things you did.. Memories are pretty enough for one to remember..

And as life changes opinion changes too..But when you have spent a beautiful time with a person you loved the most its hard to remain apart !!

Like A doll ..

She was a little girl with beautiful sparkling eyes, bright thoughts and a magical smile. Smile that can catch any one's eye. Loved to play with dolls infact herself was like a doll.
So young to understand what people say and what they actually mean to say. Her 'Baba' was her hero, the most handsome man of the world and her ideal. Was living in her own small beautiful world.
But she grew older.. Now she started dreaming..Things that almost all teenage girls love to dream about..

• • She wanted to be loved now , to be loved by a man who should be like her baba , the perfect gentleman..Handsome , caring , trustworthy and most of all worth loving..She waited for so long until she finally met him.. He was more than she always wanted..His brown sparkling eyes got deep down her young little heart..Anytime she walked beside him, with his attractive smile and magical moves he made her skip her heartbeat..
• He used to call her 'Doll' and she was crazy about how he calls her 'Doll'..But the cruel world soon brought her into the bitter reality of life..She experienced how people can change , how mean they can be sometimes and how it feels to watch them change all over !!He , who promised her to stand by her till death, left her just because he started liking a super hot girl who wanted him to be with her..He , who used to call her doll ,actually played with her like a doll and threw her away..He was so weak that soon after finding another option he just decided to leave her..The simple words " Sorry! Now I am not into you " were not enough for that little girl to heal the pain and scars that he left for her..And in the moment , she became a big girl.. She is now alone , sitting in a corner of her bedroom with tears rolling down off her eyes , ached heart and shatterred dreams.. She threw the dolls out of her window that she used to play with , she hates the word Doll now as it reminds her of his voice saying this to her..And finally now she knows not everyone is going to be like her baba whom she can trust.. She can't trust any one in this horrible world and not everyone is worth loving !!

' Supporting Gaza '

"I am a Pakistani and I support Gaza"
Yes, I support Gaza because I don't have any one else who needs my support , I don't have my army busy fighting with those termites eating my country internally , I don't have my people, those IDPs (Internally Displaced Persons) who left their lands for the sake of my country , my people are not killed in daily basis by my own people , my children are not starving till death , my families are not homeless in this blessed month of Ramadan and my people are perfectly fine and on their best..
I will support Gaza and will condemn the Israeli acts because thats what I can do , Clearly I can't stand against TTP and Naa Maaloom Afraad because i am afraid in the morning they can be at my door but certainly I can support Gaza because Israeli's aren't coming for me any time soon..
I can change my Display Pictures in support of R4bia , Burma and Gaza because its trending but eventually I can't stand for my people and start trending for some change ! *pheww* But well , I am a Pakistani and I support Gaza ....

Hey .. You !

When the night is dark and there is silence all along ..
When there is no one beside you and you're on your own ..

When you lay down under the sky ,
finding constellations out of stars ,

Just close your eyes and go back to the time ,
when you had someone to call "Mine" ..

When you caught a shooting star ,
and you wished upon with all your heart ..

When you were not what you are ,
and now you're not what you used to be ..

I hope you cross your heart and I hope tears filled up your eyes ..
I hope it hurts and I hope that you realize ..

You were a better person back there and now
you just have to turn around to be back there ..

Diary Of A Suicidal Soul ..

2:30 AM , and I feel suicidal ..

Yes, You heard it right , I feel suicidal ..

The feeling of killing myself lingering through me

so that I can just make an exit from this world ,

the world , which right now seems like a goddamn cruel place to me ..

So how should I end it ? This , My life ?

this miserable life , how should I end it ?

By slashing my wrist with those blades in my drawer ?

till they bleed me to death ?

But , it would be messy , painful than I could stand ..

I don't like blood , it creeps me out ..

No , and the probability of dying is lesser ..

Then ? Poison maybe ? But it would be pretty slow ..

What if I couldn't handle the poison 

slowly burning in my pharynx ?

and I try to change my mind ?

No , that would be pretty risky !
I am exhausted , 

who knew ending your own life could be such difficult ,

people do this all the time , I wonder how ??

But , wait , what if I eventually end it ?

they never even let you die in peace..

Do they ?

would they care then ? what if nobody gives a damn ?

I'm pretty sure they won't even remember the details of my face ..

and how do I know if it makes a difference for them or not ?

I will be dead after all !!
That doesn't make sense to me at all 

Yes ! I am still suicidal but what is all that mess for if one can't witness if it effects anybody or not ?

so , what's the conclusion for now ?

I can't die & I can't live either ?

What am I suppose to do now ?

Live miserably or die for nothing !!

Prisoners !!

Do you remember the day you told me about how we all are caged up somewhere and we all are prisoners by our own will? And I rolled my eyes and I wouldn't believe you.. I said, 'how can we be chaged up by our own will?'  It was senseless for me.. And I wouldn't agree, so you sighed and stated quietly, 'You will understand one day'..
Yes, I do now, as I listen to a particular line from my favorite song, "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness", and it feels like the same thing you told me, addicted or caged by your own will, they both are the same,
just the words are different..
Yes we all are addicted to certain things, certain things we know might hurt us, might wreck us, but we don't let go, because we are caged..
We never let go because we are caged not by anyone but our own selves, prisoners of our own, it never occurs to us that this cage unlocks from the inside because we fear to fly, fear to be free, fear what if it stops hurting, fear of living without the addiction and fear of losing a part of us!!