Prisoners !!

Do you remember the day you told me about how we all are caged up somewhere and we all are prisoners by our own will? And I rolled my eyes and I wouldn't believe you.. I said, 'how can we be chaged up by our own will?'  It was senseless for me.. And I wouldn't agree, so you sighed and stated quietly, 'You will understand one day'..
Yes, I do now, as I listen to a particular line from my favorite song, "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness", and it feels like the same thing you told me, addicted or caged by your own will, they both are the same,
just the words are different..
Yes we all are addicted to certain things, certain things we know might hurt us, might wreck us, but we don't let go, because we are caged..
We never let go because we are caged not by anyone but our own selves, prisoners of our own, it never occurs to us that this cage unlocks from the inside because we fear to fly, fear to be free, fear what if it stops hurting, fear of living without the addiction and fear of losing a part of us!!

Some Nights .. !!

Some nights are different , just like tonight is different , they make you fight within yourself more than usual , no matter how bad you try to stop yourself they end up ruining your self strength , so by the time this night ends , you have done those terrible things that you weren't supposed to do , they make you hate yourself just a little bit more and no matter how many times you try to calm yourself by saying 'just a few more hours and this night will be over' , it makes every single bone in your body break bit by bit , slowly , cruelly , bitterly ..

Fake Lies !!

'Hey ! I think I know you' .. Someone was standing by her trying to catch her attention..
She was looking over to the shores of the enormous sea , deepened down in her own thoughts when the voice hit her ears and then her heart .. Holding up her head she looked at the guy standing right beside her ..
Those eyes , she never understood what colour it was , dark grey or blue maybe , they reflect every emotion , every feeling and they were always happy , his happy eyes .. And that little dimple on his left cheek , how she always wanted to tell him that it makes him cute even when he smirks , how it feels like a star shining down on his cheek.. His hair is more than perfect now , those brown strands still flicks over to his for head like it always did while he wander around the campus with those beautiful girls and she always thought she will be a nobody to him forever..
But now he's standing there , asking her if they've ever met before.. She set her up shades again , came down from the pile of stones she's been sitting for hours now and she said , "No, You don't" !!

Space between the past and future !!

11:45 on the dial, 15 more minutes before leaving another year behind.. A year filled with so much stuff, like a box overflowed with items, trash and treasure all mixed up, tangling up with one another..
Standing at this pace of time, living those moments, not sure I am looking back or just planning for the future or might just analyze what happened where and how!
Last year, this same moment, all I did was preparing myself for leaving my teen..Trying to feel like a big girl just to secure my own self..But had I really succeeded ? And I get to admit now that securing yourself with walls around you only makes you suffocated so why wear an armor all the time? 
Well, apart from all these philosophic thoughts, this year gave me a lot to be thankful of, Yes! I don't have regrets this year, I blessed of things I never dreamt of, I did things never imagined or planned on, I changed those little things in me I never thought I'd ever change so yeah..It's not just only that depressed stuff, but the blessed ones too..
It's about time in a few more minutes, before my family comes to wish me, before my cell phone starts bursting out, before that feeling of not getting a wish from any old friends surrounds me, here me, with my 20th year packed and wrapped up with a smile, saying that bundle a goodbye hoping to never take it back out again, stepping into my 21st, all my heart and my head screams yes.. "Hold on! You can survive this too "..

Just not enough !!

She , with her insecurities ..
He , with his strong arms !!

She with her pain and
He with his comfort !!

She , with her madness ..
But He with his love !!

Perfect together, but that
Perfection was not enough !!

See what you need to see :)

H.O.P.E , four letters , one word , hard to find !!
Somebody asked me to write about anything that happened or i've witnessed that gives us hope and after that all i did was sit down for days , blank and empty headed because i haven't seen anything so strong they show us in the movies ... And then i said to myself , oh well hope? On humanity ? Or in anything ? Seriously ?
How can you tell a depressed person not to get depressed and just hope ? How can you tell a broken hearted person to have hope and relax , even though if you say that nothings going to relax them until they see what they want to see..
So now I think  , what if we try to find and see hope all by ourselves ? Because after all, there's never going to be a scripted play for us in real to be witnessed ..
H.O.P.E , everywhere around , hidden , for some things can't be seen with just eyes , all they need is a connection , a trio of your heart , brain and soul .. A newborn baby trying to grab your finger , A smile that is caused by you , A sunshine after that dark night , A tear after laughing so hard !!
Yes , there is hope in everything , you think you are good for nothing ? Try looking at that tree in the corner of your street , even that tree is helpful so how couldn't you be ? After the hardest nights of your life , there's a morning , after the biggest loss there's some surprise and even if there isn't any .. Who knows what's next :) :)

Memories In A Picture !!

'Ahh this rain'.. Sitting by her window listening to the pouring rain she thought , 'Well , seems like I have to cancel my meeting for tomorrow ..'
She sighed slowly and looked around herself , found herself surrounded by books and papers.. Took a sip of her coffee and she grabbed the paper again , her fingers were playing with the pencil and she kept staring at the blank paper..
It 4am in the morning and she's been sitting there for 2 hours now , she has to finish her article tonight but every time she starts writing either her mind gets stuck with the tick of the clock or the sound of the rain.. 'Urggghhh , why can't I' she was irritated now , her head was so much filled with thoughts that she can't pick up a topic for her article which she has to write for the magazine..
'Forget it' , she threw the pencil away and got up , picked up the mug  , there wasn't any coffee left..
She took a little walk across the room and got to the window again , it was still raining , she smiled slowly looking into the dark sky , she was a rain lover , she was the girl who gets crazy with the thought of rain , ' Now this rain is the reason I can't get out of my thoughts ' she smiled again , 'How things remain the same but changes its value and meanings ' ..
She was tired now , she didn't want to try anymore .. 'It's not gonna work out tonight , I still have a day left so I should better sleep now' She thought ..
Going through the spot where she was sitting before she thought to pick up the papers , looking at the mess she thought , 'Mhmm let it be' ..
It was getting colder now , she got into her warm bed , it was so comforting that she realized how tired she was.. She closed her eyes , it was a dark silent night.. All she could hear was the ticking of her wall clock , caffeine was working now , she wanted to sleep but couldn't.. She turned to her side table and picked up her cell phone to set the alarm for the morning , 'Maybe it'll stop raining till morning' .. She set the alarm and put the cell phone back on the table , her eyes stopped over the frame , the picture , the beautiful moment of her life , unintentionally , she picked up the frame and laid on the bed again..
It was her wedding picture , she was smiling with bliss with her husband beside him .. They were so happy together , people said she looked heavenly beautiful on her wedding day , it was her favorite picture from all the albums so they decided to frame it .. She looked at him in the picture , he was the person she loved for 20 years.. She fought her family and friends , her parents never liked the guy she was in love with but she was so in love with him that she denied everyone just to get one person , 'One freaking person' she mumbled staring at the picture frame..
A feeling of hatred came across her face , and in a moment she put the frame back , like she was scared she would probably smash it into pieces.. Finally she closed her eyes , she thought of the days they were newly weds , then she thought her first fight with him .. He was not the person she was in love with and he said , 'Things change after getting married you stupid' .. And it all really changed , he was the only person left for her now but he just couldn't understand.. It was their 3rd anniversary , she stayed up all night for him to get back home as she wanted to celebrate with him , he came at 3 am and told her he's leaving her .. He fell out of love and he wanted to get a part.. They fought and screamed and shattered things into pieces in the middle of the night , but nothing stopped him from leaving her..
She sighed again , she was all alone now , its been 15 years now , all she does now is recollecting the memories from the past and hold on , her room , the picture frames everything is right there on its place , she whispered to herself , 'but I never fell out of love , even when I should have' .. !!