' Supporting Gaza '

"I am a Pakistani and I support Gaza"
Yes, I support Gaza because I don't have any one else who needs my support , I don't have my army busy fighting with those termites eating my country internally , I don't have my people, those IDPs (Internally Displaced Persons) who left their lands for the sake of my country , my people are not killed in daily basis by my own people , my children are not starving till death , my families are not homeless in this blessed month of Ramadan and my people are perfectly fine and on their best..
I will support Gaza and will condemn the Israeli acts because thats what I can do , Clearly I can't stand against TTP and Naa Maaloom Afraad because i am afraid in the morning they can be at my door but certainly I can support Gaza because Israeli's aren't coming for me any time soon..
I can change my Display Pictures in support of R4bia , Burma and Gaza because its trending but eventually I can't stand for my people and start trending for some change ! *pheww* But well , I am a Pakistani and I support Gaza ....

Hey .. You !

When the night is dark and there is silence all along ..
When there is no one beside you and you're on your own ..

When you lay down under the sky ,
finding constellations out of stars ,

Just close your eyes and go back to the time ,
when you had someone to call "Mine" ..

When you caught a shooting star ,
and you wished upon with all your heart ..

When you were not what you are ,
and now you're not what you used to be ..

I hope you cross your heart and I hope tears filled up your eyes ..
I hope it hurts and I hope that you realize ..

You were a better person back there and now
you just have to turn around to be back there ..

Diary Of A Suicidal Soul ..

2:30 AM , and I feel suicidal ..

Yes, You heard it right , I feel suicidal ..

The feeling of killing myself lingering through me

so that I can just make an exit from this world ,

the world , which right now seems like a goddamn cruel place to me ..

So how should I end it ? This , My life ?

this miserable life , how should I end it ?

By slashing my wrist with those blades in my drawer ?

till they bleed me to death ?

But , it would be messy , painful than I could stand ..

I don't like blood , it creeps me out ..

No , and the probability of dying is lesser ..

Then ? Poison maybe ? But it would be pretty slow ..

What if I couldn't handle the poison 

slowly burning in my pharynx ?

and I try to change my mind ?

No , that would be pretty risky !
I am exhausted , 

who knew ending your own life could be such difficult ,

people do this all the time , I wonder how ??

But , wait , what if I eventually end it ?

they never even let you die in peace..

Do they ?

would they care then ? what if nobody gives a damn ?

I'm pretty sure they won't even remember the details of my face ..

and how do I know if it makes a difference for them or not ?

I will be dead after all !!
That doesn't make sense to me at all 

Yes ! I am still suicidal but what is all that mess for if one can't witness if it effects anybody or not ?

so , what's the conclusion for now ?

I can't die & I can't live either ?

What am I suppose to do now ?

Live miserably or die for nothing !!

Prisoners !!

Do you remember the day you told me about how we all are caged up somewhere and we all are prisoners by our own will? And I rolled my eyes and I wouldn't believe you.. I said, 'how can we be chaged up by our own will?'  It was senseless for me.. And I wouldn't agree, so you sighed and stated quietly, 'You will understand one day'..
Yes, I do now, as I listen to a particular line from my favorite song, "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness", and it feels like the same thing you told me, addicted or caged by your own will, they both are the same,
just the words are different..
Yes we all are addicted to certain things, certain things we know might hurt us, might wreck us, but we don't let go, because we are caged..
We never let go because we are caged not by anyone but our own selves, prisoners of our own, it never occurs to us that this cage unlocks from the inside because we fear to fly, fear to be free, fear what if it stops hurting, fear of living without the addiction and fear of losing a part of us!!

Some Nights .. !!

Some nights are different , just like tonight is different , they make you fight within yourself more than usual , no matter how bad you try to stop yourself they end up ruining your self strength , so by the time this night ends , you have done those terrible things that you weren't supposed to do , they make you hate yourself just a little bit more and no matter how many times you try to calm yourself by saying 'just a few more hours and this night will be over' , it makes every single bone in your body break bit by bit , slowly , cruelly , bitterly ..

Fake Lies !!

'Hey ! I think I know you' .. Someone was standing by her trying to catch her attention..
She was looking over to the shores of the enormous sea , deepened down in her own thoughts when the voice hit her ears and then her heart .. Holding up her head she looked at the guy standing right beside her ..
Those eyes , she never understood what colour it was , dark grey or blue maybe , they reflect every emotion , every feeling and they were always happy , his happy eyes .. And that little dimple on his left cheek , how she always wanted to tell him that it makes him cute even when he smirks , how it feels like a star shining down on his cheek.. His hair is more than perfect now , those brown strands still flicks over to his for head like it always did while he wander around the campus with those beautiful girls and she always thought she will be a nobody to him forever..
But now he's standing there , asking her if they've ever met before.. She set her up shades again , came down from the pile of stones she's been sitting for hours now and she said , "No, You don't" !!

Space between the past and future !!

11:45 on the dial, 15 more minutes before leaving another year behind.. A year filled with so much stuff, like a box overflowed with items, trash and treasure all mixed up, tangling up with one another..
Standing at this pace of time, living those moments, not sure I am looking back or just planning for the future or might just analyze what happened where and how!
Last year, this same moment, all I did was preparing myself for leaving my teen..Trying to feel like a big girl just to secure my own self..But had I really succeeded ? And I get to admit now that securing yourself with walls around you only makes you suffocated so why wear an armor all the time? 
Well, apart from all these philosophic thoughts, this year gave me a lot to be thankful of, Yes! I don't have regrets this year, I blessed of things I never dreamt of, I did things never imagined or planned on, I changed those little things in me I never thought I'd ever change so yeah..It's not just only that depressed stuff, but the blessed ones too..
It's about time in a few more minutes, before my family comes to wish me, before my cell phone starts bursting out, before that feeling of not getting a wish from any old friends surrounds me, here me, with my 20th year packed and wrapped up with a smile, saying that bundle a goodbye hoping to never take it back out again, stepping into my 21st, all my heart and my head screams yes.. "Hold on! You can survive this too "..